I am encouraging you (and myself) to pour into yourself, nourish your soul, and love yourself better this year with these self-love tips for each of the 9 Enneagram types.

I’ve always been a planner. And 2020 was no different. I had goals and milestones and plans galore. I was going to get married in a forest-themed wedding with 120 guests in attendance. I was going to pick out my wedding dress in a store. I was going to join a company as their social media strategist. I was going to travel to Nashville and Copenhagen. I had plans!

But, like everyone last year, I learned that I actually have very little control over the future. Plans change and people adapt. Instead of tying the knot in front of 120 guests, it was in front of our immediate families. Instead of a Pinterest-forest wedding, it was the cozy backyard of my childhood home. Instead of traveling to far-away places, my husband and I learned the art of mini-vacations. Instead of adding new clients to my roster, I poured into my YouTube channel… and watched it grow in a big way!

That’s why I’m not writing a “New Year's Resolutions for Each Enneagram Type in 2021” blog post. Nope. I’ve learned better. 

Some Self Love Tips for Each of the 9 Enneagram of Personality Types

Instead, I am encouraging you (and myself) to pour into yourself, nourish your soul, and love yourself better this year.

Enneagram Type 1 "The Reformer"

Let's start with Enneagram Type 1, The Reformer. My first self-love tip for Type 1s is to do something just for fun. I find that 1s have trouble getting out of the productivity mindset. Often, their leisure activities have to have a productive element to them in order to make them worth doing. So I'm recommending that Type 1s do something fun and silly that has absolutely zero productive value to it. Some ideas for you:

  • Read a trashy romance novel
  • Have a dance party to some Whitney Houston
  • Play basketball or some other sport with your friends
  • Find a board game you enjoy! (May I recommend Munchkin or Otrio?)

However, because Type 1s have a fierce inner critic, even these "fun" activities can turn into "necessary self-care tasks." Novelty and spontaneity are important for a Type 1 to have fun. And that's where we get to my second self-love tip for Type 1s.

Next, entrust tasks that you need taken off your plate to somebody else. Give your son the dishes. Give your partner the grocery store trip. Give a coworker the project you've unnecessarily made your responsibility.

This year, master the art of delegation. Before you start something, think to yourself, “Is this something that someone else can do?” If the answer is yes: delegate that thing.

In terms of having fun, I am also recommending delegating the act of choosing a fun activity. Tell your best friend or your partner that you need to do something spontaneous and new in order to let go and have fun. Then (and this is the hard part), let them plan something!

Self Love Tips for the Enneagram Type One Personality

Enneagram Type 2 "The Giver"

And now on to Enneagram Type 2, The Giver. My first tip for you is to spend time alone. Use this time to write, read, and reflect. Often, Type 2s get caught up in the whirlwind of other people's lives and needs and neglect their own inner being. So nourish that quiet part of you by finding a space to breathe and reflect.

Next, BOUNDARIES, baby! I think Type 2s struggle to have healthy boundaries in their relationships with others. I actually made a video about this with 3 helpful tips for you to establish and maintain healthy boundaries in your life. Hopefully, you can learn to say no, prioritize your values, and spend your free time the way you want!

My last self-love tip for Type 2s is to tell yourself- regularly and with abandon- YOU ARE WORTHY OF LOVE. You really are and it's important that you habitually remind yourself of that.

Self Love Tips for the Enneagram Type Two Personality

Enneagram Type 3 "The Performer"

Let's chat about Type 3, The Performer, which happens to be my type. (So, Abbey, please follow your own advice.)

First is something that I talk about with my husband often and that is to: encourage "blue thoughts".

"Blue thoughts" is something that my husband and I came up with to describe thoughts that go beyond a to-do list, planning the future, or other people. These are thoughts about religion, marriage, love, philosophy. Things that push me beyond my normal circle of perpetual anxiety. Remember that your thoughts don't have to be productive.

Next is an affirmation that I encourage you to say to yourself every day. An Enneagram 3's core longing is the thing they have been striving to hear their entire life. Somewhere along the way, when they were a child, they received the message that they are only worthy of love based on their achievements. So instead of waiting for other people to help you with this longing, every morning say to yourself: "You are loved just for being you. You are not loved for your accomplishments. You are loved for you."

Self Love Tips for the Enneagram Type Three Personality

Enneagram Type 4 "The Individualist"

And now on to Enneagram Type 4, The Individualist. I've found that Type 4s crave creativity in their life. If they don't utilize that part of themselves, they can feel isolated from their authentic self and sink into sadness. So I recommend that you create for the joy of it. No expectations that you're making the next Mona Lisa or Pet Sounds. Just create for the happiness that creating gives you.

Next, on a similar note, make space for beauty. I always say that Type 4s have the unique ability to see and draw out beauty in the world. But to do that, you need to also feed that part of yourself. So go to an art museum. Explore somewhere wild and interesting. Read a beautiful book. Open yourself up to the beauty in the world.

Lastly, talk to someone who loves you and who you love deeply. This is helpful for any Enneagram number, but for Type 4s, I think it's really valuable to get an outside, loving perspective on what you're going through.

Self Love Tips for the Enneagram Type Four Personality

Enneagram Type 5 "The Observer"

Okay, Type 5s! Let's chat about how you can practice self-love this year. First up, and perhaps my most talked about tip for Type 5s, is that time alone is a necessity.

Even if a 5 carefully manages their energy level for their day, they still need alone time to recharge and replenish so that they can show up the next day in their best form. So 5s, show yourself love by prioritizing alone time where you can replenish your inner resources.

Next, I recommend that Type 5s go for a walk. Getting some exercise and fresh air can help you get out of your head and into your body. Because 5s are in the head triad, they can have trouble letting go of their anxiety-based thinking. Walking outside in your neighborhood or finding a pretty nature walk is a great way to discourage isolation and shake things up.

Self Love Tips for the Enneagram Type Five Personality

Enneagram Type 6 "The Guardian"

Let's talk about Enneagram Type 6, The Guardian. My first tip for you is to go to bed early. Turning in early has lots of scientific benefits like improving memory, more energy, and a stronger immune system. Most importantly, a study found that night owls who go to bed very late are more likely to be overwhelmed with repetitive negative thoughts. For Type 6s who struggle with maintaining their mental health, this is significant!

My next tip for you is to find the funny. When a Type 6 is anxious, they can lose that sense of humor and sink into their fears. So I say, bring on the humor! Tell a joke. Do a weird character you’ve invented. Watch a funny TV show. Invite humor into your life with open arms.

Self Love Tips for the Enneagram Type Six Personality

Enneagram Type 7 "The Adventurer"

Here are some self-love tips for Enneagram 7, The Adventurer. First and foremost, I recommend stillness. Often, Type 7s can struggle to slow down and be at peace with their thoughts and soul. What does stillness look like for you?

Is stillness a hike to the top of a mountain and taking in the beautiful view below you? Is it a quiet bath? Is it sitting by the ocean or wandering through an old church? Find what that looks like for you and prioritize that in the new year.

Next, and this one is a fun one, cook a delicious meal! Look up a recipe, buy the ingredients, be thoughtful and intentional with the process. And, best of all, share your masterpiece with friends and family for a conversation-filled meal. This will definitely fill up your self-love cup.

Self Love Tips for the Enneagram Type Seven Personality 

Enneagram Type 8 "The Protector"

Now, let's explore some self-love tools for Type 8s, The Protector. My first tip is to move your body. Types 8s are built from intensity and all that energy needs somewhere to go! As a motivator and protector of others, Type 8s can use their inherent strength to motivate and empower themselves through movement. Whether that looks like kickboxing, running, swimming, just find something that brings you joy and moves your body!

One thing that Type 8s struggle with is letting go of their control over their environment. One way to practice some self-love and invite a loosening of control is to go see a ballet, opera, or play. Observe the gifts and talents of others while also indulging in an evening of entertainment.

Self Love Tips for the Enneagram Type Eight Personality

Enneagram Type 9 "The Mediator"

And last, but never least, Enneagram Type 9, The Mediator. My first suggestion is to create a habit or routine in the new year. Pinpoint one thing that is missing from your current lifestyle and implement a plan to make that a habit. It could be a yoga practice, a daily walk, volunteering at your local animal shelter, or tidying up your home every Sunday. Whatever it is- figure out a way to make that routine sustainable for you in the long run.

Next, I recommend finding a friend who listens. Oftentimes, Type 9s are the friend who listens. But always being the listening ear can be exhausting. I recommend searching for a kind-hearted friend who listens to what you have to say and gives you space to talk through your thoughts and feelings. It's important for 9s to know that their presence and voice matters and having a listening friend can really help solidify that belief.

Self Love Tips for the Enneagram Type Nine Personality


Take Care of Your Type

I collaborated with Christina Wilcox, author of  "Take Care of Your Type",  on a little video with some self care tips from her book. Happy Discovering!