Which Enneagram Type Should I NOT Date? I know it's a super tantalizing question. In the world of love and dating, ANY amount of information that could better our success rate is desirable.
People ask these questions daily. Can Type 8s have a healthy marriage with Type 4s? Can a Type 3 and a Type 5 have a happy relationship? Which type am I most compatible with? Which type should I avoid like the plague?
For all of these questions, I always have the same answer.
Think of it this way: say hypothetically, the IDEAL partnership for a Type 1 is to have a Type 9 partner.
What if they are both in their stress paths? What if the Type 1 is represssing their anger and feels a simmering frustration with themselves and others for not meeting perfection in all things? What if the Type 9 "goes along to get along" in order to keep the peace with the Type 1? What if they bury their desires and opinions because they are afraid of losing connection with their Type 1 partner?
As you can imagine, this would create a perfect storm of relationship issues that would make any couples therapist's ears perk up.
Instead of focusing on who you should or should not date, focus instead on how you can be your healthiest self. That way, when you do meet that person who fills your stomach with butterflies, you are in the best position to do the work relationships require. You will be able to improve your communication and to extend compassion for the other person, regardless of what their Enneagram number is.
I've seen two healthy Enneagram 8s get married and grow their family with two adopted sons. I've seen an extremely introverted Type 5 doing the work to make his Type 7 wife feel loved and appreciated.
As a Type 3 myself, I use my knowledge of the Enneagram to meet my Type 4 husband in times of conflict. I know that my default is to not talk about my feelings, but he needs that heart-based connection in order to move forward through issues. So I suck it up, journal it out, and bring my messy feelings to the discussion.
I have made oodles of videos addressing this question and talking in depth about the types and the unique relationships between each of the personalities. Watch here on my YouTube channel.