Learn the BEST ways to love the Enneagram Type 4s in your life and promote a better relationship!
How to Best Love an Enneagram Type 4
This blog post is TYPE FOUR approved because my Type Four husband proofread it and gave his seal of approval. 😂 Here are 5 ways you can better love Enneagram Fours in the hopes that we can help them feel valued and special.
1 — Their Middle Name is “Feelings”
It’s tough for other Enneagram numbers to discuss feelings like Fours, especially if you are super logical (Hello Head Center 👋 ).
Type Fours use their intense emotions to see beauty and meaning in all things.
When my husband Jon and I first started dating, I quickly realized how much I suppressed my emotions. Jon was always asking, “How are you feeling?” However, he was never satisfied with my typical “I’m fine” response. Jon wasn’t afraid to get comfortable with the uncomfortable. Let’s talk about the vulnerable and unsettling feelings that great relationships are built upon!
My advice? Be vulnerable with how you feel. Type Fours will appreciate the authenticity and it will help your relationship flourish.
2 — Silence > Small Talk
I asked on my Instagram: What are the best ways to love an Enneagram Four?
One of my favorite answers was from Moriah, who said:
“Don’t try to fill the silent space with noise or questions. The silence is a sweet space to share.”
3 — Fundamentally Flawed
All of their lives, Fours have felt that they are inherently lacking. It’s healing for a Four to recognize that they are beautiful and necessary.
To help with that internal messaging, tell them you are proud of them, and tell them often!
On the YouTube video below @katemarigold5043 says:
“As a four, when it comes to compliments I think it helps a lot when people are specific. Like, if they say something generic like “you’re amazing”, I have trouble believing that they really mean it and assume they’re just being nice. But if they tell me a specific thing about me that they think is amazing that completely warms my heart and I will probably remember it forever.”
One lil warning though… sometimes Fours have a hard time receiving compliments. This isn’t something that you can change. (That’s some homework for Type Fours!) However, it’s helpful to be aware of this character trait.
4 — Yep. More Feelings
Fours are the definition of bittersweet. They enjoy the sweetness of life, while not ignoring the bitterness that we all face being alive on this planet.
Fours reject the rose-colored glasses that some Enneagram types wear as a wardrobe staple (ahem, Sevens and Twos). Fours aren’t afraid of melancholy. They reflect deeply on a tragedy way longer than others. They cry at concerts, church, and work.
Not every sad feeling needs to be covered up. You don’t need to cheer them up if they are sitting with something difficult. It’s okay to feel.
5 — Reach for Your Dreams!
A great way to support Fours is to encourage them to share their dream life with you. Fours can become overwhelmed with the details of bringing their big ideas into reality. If you are an organized planner, use your skills to map out practical steps toward their goals!
I hope this helps you nourish the Type Fours in your life!
For some dating advice, I have written this post and if you want more ideas for loving Romantics, here’s a video with 10 pointers!
