Some wise advice for this Valentine's Day utilizing the Enneagram of Personality typing system.
Valentine's Day can come with some heightened expectations on the part of your loved one. If you want to plan the best date night or the best gift (or both) consider your partner's unique personality through the lens of their Enneagram type. Below I give you an idea of how your partner is wired and what some of their expectations for this holiday might be, plus some practical suggestions for the perfect date night! Following that is a short scenario of how this could play out, albeit in an exaggerated way. Hope this helps you to have the best Valentine's Day ever!
Like in other areas of their lives, Enneagram Type Ones approach romantic relationships with high expectations. They have a fierce inner critic just holding them accountable in all things and they extend those expectations to their romantic partner on Valentine's Day. Type Ones will want to feel valued in a really meaningful way.
Enneagram Type Twos are true relationship lovers. Their core desire in life is to feel wanted and loved, therefore they spend a lot of energy making sure that their romantic partner feels the way that they want to feel. In romantic relationships twos give and give and give. They give so much that they sometimes lose track of their own needs and desires. On Valentine's Day Type 2s might find themselves a little frustrated that their partner isn't giving as much as they are. Please take this to heart!
Enneagram threes work really hard to achieve their goals because they think that the better they are, the more worthy of love and admiration they will be. One thing you may notice about type 3s is that they are chameleons: they charm and they adapt depending on how they want to be viewed. In romantic relationships type 3s thrive when their partner affirms who they are apart from their accomplishments.
As a type 3 myself I know that I feel so valued when my husband encourages me with words of affirmation. When I asked on my Instagram what other type 3s might want to do for Valentine's Day the answers included all the bells and whistles: dressing up, a fancy dinner, ball gowns, gifts, chocolate covered strawberries, champagne, massages! They literally desired every kind of thing you could think of for Valentine's Day.
Enneagram 4s put a lot of their value and worth in their authenticity. This can be tied back to their core desire of being special and unique, to be true to their authentic selves, and to stand out amongst the crowd. Type 4s feel like they can't embrace things that are fake or or common which arguably would include Valentine's Day.
I bet it can be hard for some Type 4s to embrace this holiday because of its cultural context, and by that I mean it's commercialization. At least here in America, people often say it's "singles awareness day" because it makes people feel bad for not having a love interest. Also there is the theory that you shouldn't celebrate Valentine's Day on February 14th because you should have Valentine's Day like activities all throughout the year. Which I agree with but Type 4s feel this very viscerally.
Type Fours are also deeply romantic so they're gonna be conflicted because they really want to do all these romantic things with their partner and but they don't want it to feel forced because then it's fake and then what's the point if you're not being true to your authentic self?
As deeply curious people, Type 5s love learning and exploring more about the world but they don't want to actively be a part of it. In other words, they experience the world as an intrusive place just zapping them of all their inner resources and energy.
In romantic relationships Type Fives can struggle to find the privacy that they need in order to recharge. This Valentine's Day Type 5s will probably fulfill their obligations but they won't want anything themselves.
If you know an Enneagram Type 6 you may notice that they have warring needs inside of them. They really want to be independent and self-sufficient but they also have anxiety about the state of the world and they need reassurance that everything is going to be okay. This stems from their core fear of being without guidance, security, or support.
This Valentine's Day type sixes will probably want to be reminded of your loyalty and commitment to them.
You probably already know what I'm going to say about Type 7s. When planning a Valentine's Day date or gift they want all the things: new experiences, immediate gratification, tons of fun! These desires come from their core fear of being deprived. And look, nobody likes feeling deprived, nobody wants to feel left out, but for Type 7s missing out on something feels way more painful than it does for other types. They are constantly on the hunt for the thing that will make them feel content.
So this Valentine's Day type 7s will probably be wanting to go big or go home. Actually there's not going to be any going home ... they will just want to go big!
Enneagram Eights are assertive and confident people. When they decide to do something, they go all in. They tend to be mavericks who pave the way and do things that other people just dream about.
That's why I think that this Valentine's Day some Type 8s are going to be showing their entrepreneurial side.
These warm, supportive partners strive for a calm environment. If you know a Type 9 then you know that they can get lost in their daydreams, letting their imagination and their inner worlds run wild. This tendency to mentally check out is a survival technique for Type 9s because it helps them maintain their inner peace. However, it can also create some unfortunate situations especially when there are Holidays that need to be remembered!
This humorous approach to Valentine's Day has some good relationship nuggets but if you want to get more serious about growing your romantic relationship I have videos for each of the Enneagram types over on my YouTube channel that will help you improve and nurture your union.